You'll always be in my heart...

6 de Junho de 1993

I will never forget how much I loved you. It was beyond me, I loved you so much I didn't know how to handle it anymore. I loved your eyes, the way you looked at me, I loved your smile, I never could resist it. I loved the way you always tried to lie to me about the silliest things, but I got you all those times and you never understood why, until today. It's so easy, I loved you then and I still do. I've never forgotten you Victor.

We´re the best of friends now and I know you care a lot about me and you've often tried to kiss me, like saturday (22/05/93) when we were in Bauhaus, but I didn't let you...Why? I don't know. How would we feel afterwards? I don't know, but I think we would feel uncomfortable with each other...

Sometimes I think about you, I remind your eyes, your smile and it feels so good, I smile...but sometimes I feel sad and it hurts because you have no idea of how much I loved you. I would have done anything for you. And now the plates turned upside down. Maybe I'm just afraid of starting to feel the way I did again, it's too dangerous. I could never go steady with you knowing the way you are. You've been unfaithful to every girlfriend you've had. You've been with three at the same time! You tell me these things and you can't expect me to want something more with you. Only if I were crazy, but I don't think I've gone that far yet.

There are days when I don't know how to feel, I just feel so confused, so mixed up. But deep down inside I know you're still very special to me and you will always be, because I've never loved anyone the way I love you. If only you knew it then...But now I've your friendship which means a lot to me because I know you trust me and I know I can trust you and that's something very special.

Remember when you got caught by the police and you had been drinking? You put me breathing into the baloon...You know I wouldn't go away if they wouldn't let you go. I made them crazy, I was outside the police station yelling, I ruined my evening but that's what friends are for, right? I remember the look in your eyes when you thanked me and said that I was the greatest, and I know that you meant it. I felt so happy!

Remember when we were talking that saturday (22/05/1993) in Bauhaus and you were reminding me of our times at NEWS? You had that look...I can't explain it...and you had your arms around my waist and were pulling me closer to you...and I didn't let you, I was always trying to pull back. What did you want Victor? And then I got you and Catarina together and then after an hour or so you came to me pleeding for rescue. I went upstairs with you and you were holding me tight and we hold hands. I don't know Victor, but I felt weird about the way you were behaving, I didn't know what to do. Maybe next time...

One thing I can tell you: I will always love you, I loved you then when we met in 1990 and I still love you now in 1993.

I will never forget you and I will always be here when you need me as I know you'll be there for me. Friends 4ever!

P.S - Não vejo o Victor há anos....o que será feito dele....estou com nervoso míudinho só de pensar no que sentia por este rapaz na altura...